F*ck Monday: Panic
Monday, 19 November 2012
Happy Monday All,
I hope you are all well and today I was going to write a very different topic to the one that I am actually writing. I've had an offish week to be honest and my head hasn't been in the right state hence why I haven't been blogging. On Thursday night I went to see Ryan Bingham at Scala in Kings Cross which was amazing (go check him out). He's is my boyfriends favourite musician of all time and his music style is very country slash soft rock. I like it though :) Then friday I felt a bit ill so that was a right off.
That's when it brings me to saturday and to todays topic. Basically a few weeks ago I watched Zoella's video on Panic Attacks (see here). I have never suffered with panic attacks before quite luckily and this video was very insightful. I do on the other had suffer with anxiety problems just before I go out but that never normally stops me from doing anything. I just tend to get a little shaky and kind of butterfly stomach but once I am out and I put my smile on and I'm go go go :)
However this Saturday, I wasn't really in the mood to go out but I ended up dragging my arse out of the house - boy was that a mistake. Well, I dolled myself out and I quite liked the outfit that I had assembled and I was just popping out for one or two. I was driving so I didn't plan a big or late night out. Now I was just going to a local pub, even though I haven't been up there in the last 6 months, I used to go there quite frequently. I know a few people who regularly drink in there so it wasn't like going into a place full of strangers. On the drive over there, I got these really bad chest pains and began to get teary. I wasn't sure why. I parked up outside and literally felt like I couldn't get out the car, I eventually dragged myself out of the car and told myself to snap out of it because I was being ridiculous.
Anyway, that was a big mistake - the second that I felt unsure I should had just gone back home. I walked into the pub and I could feel that everyone was staring at me (which they weren't) and that everyone was talking about me (which again they weren't). I began to panic and felt like I was going to be sick, my eye were getting black spots in them and my hearing was muffling. I went outside to get some fresh air and my stomach was in knots just cramping. I felt the most paranoid and panicky, that I have ever felt in my life - this was unusual too. I began to feel like I couldn't speak or breathe and just had to leave at that exact time.
Now on reflection, I re watched Zoella's video and felt that I could really relate to it and it helped me think that I am not a weird person and that these attacks can happen to anyone, anywhere at anytime. Which is kind of scary as I would never had associated this with myself. Hopefully this doesn't become a frequent occurrence.
Has anyone else suffered a one off attack like this?